A Blog by Leo Ji Thoughts and scribblings

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U

“Wide angle shot of an elevated train speeding through the Chicago skyline.” by Sawyer Bengtson on Unsplash

when i first walked
into that room, wondering whether
i would be accepted
seen
noticed
reported

we speak the same words yet they mean so different
we think the same ideas yet
and yet
either the world was not ready for these ideas or i was not ready for the
arch we walked under
space jam

i don’t remember
i can’t remember
i don’t want to remember
who it is that i was
to become
this

i wanted to get away from my past
my roots
but it’s funny, isn’t it, for the things that i want to leave behind
are exactly the things that i can’t
define
delinate
describe
control
alternative facts
delete

breathing
what
why
who
no
no
no
no
hospital and er
and health insurance
and never telling anybody
it was bad
really bad

we kissed
it was good
really good

it was such a
racket
square
frisbee
and then suddenly, too many of
us
crisis
exploded
hiring more faculty
growing program

then bay area
san francisco
design
technology
journalism
northwestern
campus
44 Montgomery
it rains for weeks and weeks and then it’s
curries and paninis and sushis and Tenderloin and Union Square and Nob Hill and the Ferry Building and the MUNI and the BART and the Civic Center and Kearny and Powell and 38 Geary and Golden Gate Park and Crissy Field and Golden Gate Bridge and E Embarcadero and J Church and Coit Tower

come and go
come and go
upstairs
are you one of mine now?
yes
OK
leases and signing and emails and trains and human
centered design
hello segal
design certificate

goodbye, have a good summer, hope you have fun, see you again!
(we won’t)

we’re back to design
your life
future
generalist
ceo
three paths
you are what you make of it
you are who you want to be

no no no no no and yes
i’m sorry I’m not the person that you are
thinking of
seeing
I’m sorry that I don’t fit your boxes
I’m sorry that I don’t look like who you
want me to be

buddha in the attic
Julie Otsuka
M Butterfly
racial castration
what is affect?
what is debility?
Binh
this is my story except this
is not my story but this is
my story

no no no no no no
i’m not an engineer
i’m not a journalist
would i be accepted
seen
noticed
reported
boxed
tossed
you have a new message
i wanted to reach out to you specifically because while you have
not been selected
no no no no no no and
yes
i’m pleased to offer you a position


it was all worth it
the tears, the doubt, the crying, the risk
it was all worth it at the end because now somebody sees me
sees me for who I am and what I can become
the room is for you
made it
that acceptance letter was not a mistake

thank you
thank you all
thank you to everybody who supported me until I got here


did i @ you or did you @ me?
I don’t remember but I remember everything 
we talked
about love 
simon
this is my story except this is not my story
but
this is my story
for everyone deserves a great love story

for I deserve a great love story
I will find any way to your wild heart

By Leo Ji
A Blog by Leo Ji Thoughts and scribblings